A person is an emotional masochist if they derive pleasure from inflicting pain and emotional suffering on themselves, They want to believe that their life is disappointing, unfair and unsatisfying and reject any help that comes their way. They enjoy adapting self-defeating and self-destructive behavioural patterns and avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences or situations. Emotional masochism is often linked to childhood trauma and abuse and can have destructive repercussions if not addressed early though being an emotional masochist is not a conscious choice. Be wary of the signs if you are an emotional masochist and how you can stop being one for good.
13 Signs You Are An Emotional Masochist
1. You victimise yourself
When you self-sabotage your happiness, relationships and life, when you love to torment yourself, when you let people take advantage of yourself when you crave sympathy, when you want people to feel sad, and worried and concerned about yourself to sum it up you love to victimise yourself than it strongly signals that you are an emotional masochist.
2. You don’t break easily in an unhealthy relationship
When you soak up the unhappiness around you it becomes a part of you, If you do not want to detach from those toxic feelings and start enjoying the pain and unhealthy relationships then it definitely signals you are an emotional masochist.
3. You reject help
Though you cry, appeal and beg for help but actually, you never want it to come your way, You just need attention and pity, and out and out reject, avoid and stop connecting with people who try to get you out of the situation and signals you are an emotional masochist.
4. Emotional deprivation disorder
Emotional Masochist is often linked to people suffering from emotional deprivation disorder as they think people around them try to humiliate, downgrade and hurt them and are not given much importance and deserve a lot much better, as an impact they retaliate and show negative and aggressive emotions out of frustration and start showing signs of emotional masochism.
5. You pick up fights and arguments regularly
When you frequently indulge in heated arguments, unwanted confrontations and provocation, which end up in ugly fights, and breakups, now and then with your partner or people then it is a sign you are an emotional masochist.
6. You indulge in gossip and backbiting
When you love to criticise everybody for no reason or other and indulge in useless gossip and backbiting and bitching for hours and hours in person or phone then for sure you are not at peace with your inner self and signals that you may be an emotional masochist.
7. Living in the past
Some people don’t want to move ahead in life for good, they unearth dead past issues for any and every situation they are in, you can’t get over the hysteria of your past problems and sink your future and current relationships, and confirms you being an emotional masochist.
8. Habit of obsessive comparison
When you envy other’s achievements and start comparing your life and your situations with others and deliberately find faults in your life then it hints at an obsessive comparison disorder which steals your happiness and productivity and you never stay content with anything you are blessed with then chances are you may also be an emotional masochist.
9. Overreacting to minor issues
Creating drama, indulging in theatrics, talking rudely, shouting, crying for no reason, involving people who don’t concern them, unnecessary, and blowing the situation out of proportion. to sum it up overreacting to minor petty issues intentionally or unintentionally, then it’s an obvious sign of an emotional masochist person.
10. Irrated by cheerful people
When you shy away from meaningful discussions and constructive solutions and get irritated and hate-focused, sorted, helpful, cheerful and lively people and the positive vibes you get from them, then it is time to seriously think about how deeply you embrace the darkness of life which has compelled you to be an emotional masochist.
11. Enmeshed relationship
If you are more into toxic selflessness, want to make people happy at the cost of your suffering and are comfortable within your own small depressing life then you are definitely in an enmeshed relationship and also highly possible you may be an emotional masochist.
12. You can’t leave toxic people
When you are again and again drawn to toxic people and you enjoy their company and association no matter how abusive they have been in the past and are ruining your present, then you yourself want to be one of them and for sure walk towards being an emotional masochist.
13. Try to hurt themselves
When they find their sorrow is not acknowledged or they don’t find one to hear and acknowledge their sufferings, they start cursing and hurting themselves to the extreme that they physically abuse themselves and even develop extreme thoughts of ending their lives and relationships.
How to stop being an emotional masochist
1. Forget the abusive past
If you had an abusive past or violent childhood, it will impact your whole life but develop the courage and the will to change your future and regain control of your feelings, emotions and life by forgetting the past and allowing to heal the past wounds and feeling free for a new and healthy life ahead.
2. Choose a good company
Sometimes people misuse and use your emotional masochist behaviour to their advantage, beware of their company, and be smart and conscious enough to choose the people whom you share your suffering and personal life with, as a good association can pull you out of the misery you are thinking as a normal life.
3. Try the magic 5:1 ratio in relationships or life
Basically for every one negative emotion think of the five positive emotions and situations you are blessed with, it will help you evaluate, and think that life can be better if you look at the good side of it and will lead you out of your misery and suffering and you will stop being an emotional masochist.
4. Breakaway from the toxicity
Apart from the normal depressive daily routine, fights, and confrontations, take a break, and try new things like a new hobby, short vacations, helping for a social cause, meeting new people, pampering yourself and diverting your mind and break away from the toxicity which will help you to stop being an emotional masochist.
5. Talk to a therapist
Proper counselling from a verified therapist can help you understand the reasons and triggers behind destructive thoughts, negative emotions, and erratic behaviour patterns. It is always wise to seek professional help if the problem is extreme.
Conclusion
Life is beautiful and precious don’t make it a punishment for you, someone experiencing emotional masochism should understand it is just negative energy which has engulfed and chained their thoughts, behaviour and actions to their will and made them believe that life is a pain body, but no negative energy can kill your deep desire to break away from the fear and trauma, gather the courage and strong determination to suppress and end all negative emotions, suffering and pain, Identify the real you, and make a step forward in life to save yourself and the relationships.
Q&A
Q1. What is Sadomasochism?
Sadomasochism can be defined as deriving pleasure, often sexual in nature from sadism and masochism in other words receiving or aspiring sexual gratifications from humiliation or physical pain on oneself or others.
Q2. What does a sadist person mean?
A sadist is a person who derives pleasure by hurting others, especially in a sexual sense.
Q3. What is the opposite of a Sadist?
Masochism is the opposite of Sadism, Masochism derives pleasure from experiencing pain on themselves and sadists derive pleasure from inflicting pain on someone else.
Q4. What is an emotional Sadist?
Emotional sadist receives pleasure from the emotional pain of others rather than physical abuse. Some people like to manipulate people’s emotions by intimidating them to hide their actions and prevent criticism.
Q5. Which gender is more masochistic?
The female gender is more masochistic for the simple reason that they are more emotional than men.