Benching in a relationship is when someone shows little interest in you but at the same time doesn’t want to end the relationship, it is a form of ghosting, mosting and stashing which is even worse and highly emotionally manipulative, It is like you are on the fence essentially, Benching signals trust issues and toxicity in a relationship as they are disregarded and treated like Backup plan, secondary, not the first choice, options, confusion, and standby which can make you feel used, taken for granted and horrible. Spot the early signs of being benched in a relationship to spare you from the emotional trauma before it’s too late.
9 Signs You’re Being Benched in a Relationship
1. Included in the plan at the Last minute
All of a sudden you are being informed of a plan at the last minute giving weird or many times even no reason at all is a clear sign of benching, It is clear you are being made to fill in another’s shoes, it gives you a sense of pity rather than being romantic, and is a clear sign you’re being benched in a relationship.
2. Contact only when in need
When you notice a sudden drop in calls and messages without any explanation and your partner takes time to reply or sometimes even doesn’t reply when you try to reach out to them and all of a sudden they bombard you with text and spark up conversations only in time of need or desperation for any help is a strong sign of benching in relationships.
3. Unpredictable behaviour
Many times their behaviour is unpredictable as sometimes they act like they are more into you and will give you adequate attention, On the other hand at times they will not respond or acknowledge your presence or love which leaves you in despair and vulnerable, They have frequent mood swings and unpredictable behaviour which makes it a clear sign of being benched in relationships.
4. Stashing
The world around you knows who your love interest is but your partner’s family, and friends don’t even know you exist, Stashing is a form of informal ghosting and leads to benching which is even worse, as they want to hide you from others because even they themselves are not sure about the relationship and the future with you. If they are embarrassed to talk publicly about you and their relationship then you are being benched.
5. Personal conversations go public
Love moments are mutual and personal. Still, when your private conversations, chats, pics, and calls go public then you know who the culprit is and what exactly your place in their life, You’re being benched for sure because this type of act screams of abuse and cruel intentions, immediately confront them of their behaviour and back out from the relationship for good.
6. Always a Mystery
When you realise that you know very little about their personal and professional life and they appear Mysterious, even after various askings the person does not make an effort towards you is a serious sign of benching in a relationship and should not be taken lightly as to what is the person hiding when transparency is the base of every healthy relationship.
7. Truth or lies
People involved in benching others are often habitual offenders in this trait, they know when, and how to play and manipulate others’ emotions, They lie like a pro and they create the illusion of truth which becomes difficult to identify if he said the truth or lying as a whole, This is a most common sign of benching and should be dealt with with full authentication and alertness.
8. Not committed to your plans
When you make a special arrangement for your partner and keep working hard to make the relationship move ahead, but they don’t commit to your plans and efforts and resort to firedooring in relationships, deliberately ignoring or citing being busy or unavailable, there are high chances they have plans with someone more important otherwise commitment and spending time with the person you love should be their priority, So not showing up for your plans signal high chances of benching in relationships.
9. Appear and Disaperaring
No, they are not magicians, they come into your life and stay away as per their convenience, They just want you to keep you in the loop, They may be “cookie jarring” you and others as they are not sure of a serious commitment, This so-called bad magical habit is a sure sign of benching. And though they appear and disappear frequently, keep your caution intact and realise the reality of the situation and the way ahead.
Conclusion
People who benched others are suffering from choice paralysis, Confront your partner and ask bluntly about the real intention and status of the relationship, Dont always forgive and forget some ppl should know you are not taken for granted, and Dont continue the relationship for long thinking your partner will improve, what is important is never take the mistreatment and emotional abuse, Never be demoralised or feel inferior because it’s their low behaviour and never compromise on your self-esteem that’s the key and energy to a good and dignified life.
Also Read: 10 Signs of Gaslighting In a Relationship
Q&A
Q1. Is benching worse than ghosting?
Many times benching can be worse than ghosting, as in benching desperation and uncertainty is high in relationships which is hard to cope whereas in ghosting at least they don’t clinch any hope which saves them from the emotional trauma later.
Q2.How to stop benching in relationships?
1. Dont ignore warning signs of benching in a relationship
2. Tit for Tat, benched them in return.
3. Show less desperation and interest in the beginning.
4. Be the dominant one and lead the relationship.
5. Relise your self-esteem and self-worth.
6. Make them realise their rude behaviour and the feelings they hurt.
Q3. What is cookie jarring in relationships?
When a person date multiple peoples simultaneously the act is called cookie jarring. This act of cookie jarring shows that they are not emotionally settled in relationships and suffer from choice paralysis.
Q4. What is firedooring in relationships?
When all the efforts, persuasion, caring, conversation and hard work are put in entirely by only a single partner and the other partner is leased and bothered about making the relationship work, then for sure they are firedoomed and the ignorant act is called firedooring in a relationship.
Q5. Is stashing a red flag in a relationship?
Certenally stashing is a very big red flag in a relationship, When one can’t acknowledge the relationship they are in and shies away from introducing their partner to family and friends then obviously something is wrong in their intentions and commitment.