White knight syndrome also sometimes called by various names like “saviour complex” or “rescue complex” or “Hero Syndrome” is a compulsive urge or extreme obsession to be the saviour, the rescuer, the hero and above all be the white knight in the people’s life and relationships where the white knight term relates to the old generic fairytale of many being saved by a white knight with shining armour when in need and in today context its seen as a behaviour pattern of going that extra mile to help your partner or give unsolicited advice, whether they need it or not.
The white night syndrome occurs when one feels deeply attached and empathy towards people or partners whom they see are helpless, abused or disrespected to seek acknowledgement, self-praise, satisfaction, and validation and enjoy the pride of holding the shining armour for their own sake. Let us explore the various signs of White Knight Syndrome below.
13 Signs you may have the white knight syndrome
1. Unresolved childhood issues or past trauma
If your major childhood memories revolved around violence and hate and the fear of past abuses still haunts you, then they are high chance you may have signs of the white knight syndrome because later in life many regret that silence they showed earlier and want to revolt now against any kind of torture and in the process they want to deliberately help and save people whether they need it or not, so that they may not go through the same trauma what you have gone through.
2. Intense guilt of not helping someone
When you feel bad, helpless and surrounded by intense guilt for not being able to help your partner or someone in need, then certainly you have the white knight syndrome as you relate to their pain and suffering and blame yourself for not being the saviour. To slow down the syndrome it’s advisable to think practically rather than emotionally.
3. Offer unsolicited advice
Helping someone in need is a natural impulse but going overboard and inserting and imposing yourself into a situation where you are not welcome and offering unsolicited advice and help, signals you are suffering from white knight syndrome. One must understand unwanted or imposed advice also acts as the biggest turn-off in relationships.
4. You deliberately look for people in need of help
You are always in a rescue mission mood, You deliberately search, find situations or sometimes even go to the extreme of creating your own and trying to help your partner or others whether it is required or not and you feel hurt when people decline your offer of help, All these are signs you are having the white night syndrome.
5. You prioritize other need
When you put yourself in danger just to save your partner and prioritize the needs of your partner and sacrifice and ignore yours in the process then it signs you have the white knight syndrome, Though prioritizing your partner is a good sign it should not be at the cost of your own happiness because as you get involved in helping others and you start neglecting your own basic need then it can affect your mental health and general well being which doesn’t address the purpose why you both came into the relationship.
6. Seeking self-praise and validation
Everyone loves to be acknowledged for their hard work and good deeds. Still, If you are only helping your partner to seek self-praise and validation rather than genuinely understanding it as a collective effort and understanding then it is a sign you may be having white knight syndrome, If this is the case you may need to introspect your actions and the purpose of the relationships altogether.
7. Start taking control of other’s life
In the process of helping your partner knowingly or unknowingly you start taking control of their life and start micro-managing their affairs, their life decisions and highjack their actions and emotions, if this is the case then it may signal the white knight syndrome, and seen as a negative trait. It’s better to collectively support each other rather than control each other to make the relationship thrive.
8. You make your partner Codependence
Relationship Codependency is often related to White knight Syndrome because When you become over-possessive and over-protective about your partner and take the lead in every act, and life decision, your partner becomes over-dependent on you which signals white knight syndrome and leads to a long debate if it is good or bad.
9. Very emotional and oversensitive
Normally a highly emotional or oversensitive person can have the courage to come forward and try to help their partner and others because they feel that abuse is happening to themselves as well, In short, if you are over-empathetic then you may be in line with the white night syndrome as they can relate with others feelings and pain.
10. You hide your vulnerability
When you are the white night, you ought to be strong physically, mentally, and emotionally or at least try to show you are one, as a result, you can’t show your vulnerable, weak or helpless to your partner so you sometimes try to hide these kinds of emotions and over sensitivity and signals you are going through a strong white knight syndrome.
11. You don’t like taking favours
When you become arrogant, selfish and self-centred and want to handle the problem single-handedly and shy away from taking any help in the process then certainly you are suffering from white knight syndrome. You avoided taking favours and wanted to be the one-man show.
12. Fear of separation
When you are deeply attached to your partner, The fear of separation and ending of the relationship is an obvious thought which may also trigger the compulsive urge to help your partner in any way or situation possible and draw themselves closer to the white night syndrome. The thing is you should not fear separation but work on separateing the fear between relationships.
13. Power Hungry
When you are hungry for power, accepting new challenges, taking the lead, and being the centre of attraction then it also signals that you may be having the white knight syndrome as all the above gives you a sense of importance and validation which is all a white knight needs.
Conclusion
First rescue yourself from the obligations you have imposed on yourself to rescue others, Control your urges, learn to say no and recognise that sometimes unwanted help can also exacerbate the problems, rather than solve them. Let people make their efforts to come out of the unwanted situations on their own, Sometimes it is better to just be the motivator rather than jumping and taking matters into your own hands, Treat them as equals, and start investing time in yourself rather than indulging in other’s problems also don’t shy to ask for help for yourself if needed, speaking to a therapist can also be tried if you find it hard to follow the same.
Q&A
Q1. What is white knight manipulation?
White knight manipulation is a form of manipulation and tactics used to portray yourself as a saviour or protector to others and slowly gain their trust and loyalty and later use and control them at your own will. These tactics can be used in either personal relationships, professional life or social situations.
Q2. What is Black Knight Syndrome?
Black night syndrome is a behavioural pattern of a person not acknowledging defeat. They are stubborn and stay in the illusion that they cannot be defeated.
Q3. What is a White Knight Narcissist?
When people are helpful, and generous in social causes and other things and in return demand recognition and fame, then these people are called White Knighr Narcissists.
Q4. Is white knight syndrome bad?
White night syndrome is not harmful as the urge to help others is a nice trait, but it can hurt them as they go overboard sacrificing their own need and aspirations.
Q5.What does white knighting a girl mean?
Protecting or defending a girl in distress or unwanted situations to gain her attention, love and favour is often termed as white knighting a girl.