Did you just end an abusive relationship and assume yourself to be saved, Well! Think again as post separation abuse is also a hard reality many may have to go through which is even worse and more traumatic and can be the beginning of new suffering and trauma, Post separation abuse has both immediate and long-lasting effects on the victim and should have the will to survive and deal it with complete strength post-separation to save yourself from the horrific times, Post separation abuse can be done in many forms, let us go through some of it one by one.
Forms of Post Separation Abuse
1. Financial Abuse
Separation brings financial insecurity, which not everybody is prepared for, and post-separation can bring more intense abuse not many can survive. The abuser can block your bank accounts and other financial resources or mismanage your credits by taking loans in your name or deliberately defaulting on payments which impacts your financials, They can jeopardize your job interview, employment, and career advancement out of jealousy, but when you try to fight back the post separation abuse by recollecting your life nothing can pull you back, gather the courage to take charge.
2. Legal Abuse
The abuser tends to misuse the law and court proceedings to harass, intimidate, and exhaust the victim financially and emotionally, The abuser tries to create a false narrative of incompetence, and mental status to demoralize the victim. but don’t lose hope, the day you decide to give it back, the abuser will think twice about his actions.
3. Isolation
In Post separation abuse, the abuser may at times directly go for character assassinations, and often spread false rumors among friends, family, your workplace to defame in every way they can to pressure the victim to give in and isolate them from the world which leads to depression and imposter syndrome. Still, one should keep in mind no much how much pressure you put on a victim it will give it back with a stronger message.
4. Stalking/threatening
The abuser sometimes constantly calls, messages, and emails and irritates the victim and harasses them too, in post separation abuse, the abuser even monitors their social media activities, keeps an update on your whereabouts, and sometimes follows you everywhere, they basically try to get to your nerves so that you plead for privacy and give in to their demands but the survivor should complaints to the concerned authority if they find something like this keep the law on your side by informing the happenings, try not to stay alone, be with some family and friends, which will not allow the abuser to stalk you as they are aware you are not alone.
5. Child abuse or Neglect
Abusive partner put their self-interests ahead of their children, they expose the child to abusive content, behavior, and fear so that they disturb your parenting goal if both are in a custody battle, the abuser tries to manipulate the child’s mind to emotionally gain from it, In post separation abuse apart from you, your children are the most affected, try to get in touch with a child counselor on how to explain and save your child from the abuser.
6. Counter Parenting
In this post separation abuse, the abuser works against instead of for the interest of the children, Many abusers are such a demon that they don’t mind even hurting their children if it harms their ex-partner in the process. Challenging the victim’s parenting skills and decisions, Demanding information about the child above necessary, and on the contrary not updating or sharing the child’s information with you. If the post separation abuse is up to this level; then it is advisable to immediately take the help of the agencies, and organizations involved in the upliftment and redevelopment of single parents. With hate so high one needs the organization’s backing to take care of it.
7. False love bombing
Beware! Expressing false love and remorse falsely promising the will to change or agreeing to a remedial therapy without the intention of changing their behavior is a trap to get the victim back into the abusive relationship, if the abuser fails the trick then they threaten to harm the reputation psychically and financially, be alert with the false love bombing because old habits of abusers die hard.
CONCLUSION
One must have a survival instinct to face post separation abuse, the victim should not hesitate to approach courts or organizations dealing specifically with such cases and be regularly in touch with family and friends as it can avoid any harm by the abuser, always be accompanied by someone, more stringent laws are needed in society for addressing the concerns in post separation abuse cases, lucky are those who don’t have to go through this trauma after separation.
Q&A
Q1. What is coercive control?
Controlling the behavior of your partner to create unequal power dynamics in a relationship is referred to as coercive control.
Q2.What are examples of coercive control?
A few common examples of coercive control behavior are
- Gaslighting you
- Intimidating you
- Taking important decisions for you against your will
- Depriving you of your basic rights
- Monitoring/controlling your everyday schedule
- Isolating you from family and friends
- Taking control of your finance
- Hacking/Monitoring your social media accounts activities