Submarining is when you are seeing someone but all of a sudden that person disappears from your life without informing you and suddenly after some time out of the blue resurfaces in your life like nothing happened with no apology or sometimes a lame excuse. Submarining is not only disrespectful but has a significant impact on relationships, Submarining behaviour in relationships raises many trust issues, doubts and concerns as to whether one should continue with the relationship or take a step back for good. Let’s understand the possible reasons, impacts and actions of submarining on relationships.
Possible Reasons for Submarining in Relationships
Benching
They may be seeing someone else, two-timing and benching you. You may be their backup plan or secondary choice which is insulting, humiliating and disrespectful, When you see signs of submarining, Confronting, demanding an explanation and clearing doubts are most important before you move ahead with the relationship.
Narcissist behaviour
Submarining can be a sign of narcissist behaviour, as a person suffering from narcissist behaviour doesn’t understand the feelings of others and gives themself more importance and in the process devalues their partner and relationships and thinks of their interest first regardless of what their partner is thinking, this Narcissist behaviour can also be the reason of submarining in relationships.
Habitual Gaslighters
People submarining their partners are often habitual gaslighters, They think they are supreme and above all always right, irrespective of what may be the reality. They don’t value your feelings and time and take you for granted, They think you are an easy target and will handle you as per their will, but don’t let their gaslighting behaviour dominate you instead stand up for the right reasons whenever necessary.
Not committed
Relationship commitment issues, insecurity, and fearful-avoidant attachment issues may be a few anxiety-related issues they resort to submarining in relationships. It’s hard to deal with a person when they are confused and not committed, it’s better not to waste time with that person and move on.
Introvert
Sometimes a person submarining you may be dealing with rough patches in their life which they do not want to be discussed and share as a result they hide and run away from the situations which possibly can impact your as well as their near and dear ones life, but there are slim possibilities of these situations which also raises suspicion and one need to beware of their submarining behaviour.
Effects of Submarining on Relationships
Trust issues
You start having trust issues, When you put so much into the relationship and suddenly you get the shock that one has to disappear from your life all of a sudden then you suffer a breakdown which sometimes takes too long or in many cases hard to recover.
Self-esteem
It lowers your self-esteem as you feel used, cheated and betrayed without even knowing the reason for this act. Don’t let anybody sabotage your dream, aspiration and self-respect.
Confused
Submarining is an on-off relationship which makes you confused as to which way the relationship is heading. These types of relationships are uncertain and often end up in a breakup.
Actions needed after you get submarined
Ignore and avoid
If you are being submarined often in your relationship it is advisable to ignore and avoid the person and even if they insist it will not happen again, take it casually and demand more in the relationship from them.
Give a second chance but be alert
If you are really in love and attracted by the person then be considerate and give them a second chance but communicate and express your worries and let them know how hard it is to deal with submarining, and be on high alert for their actions as welcoming the person again in your life it will have an ill effect if they again disappear from your life.
Keep low expectations
When you sense that your partner is submarining you then it is advisable and wise to keep low expectations from them and the relationship you both are in because it’s clear you are in an uncertain relationship, keeping low expectations will help lower your anxiety and save you from the trauma and depression you may go through if the relationship doesn’t work out.
Conclusion
If you are being submarined, don’t let go of them that easy, Confront their actions and ask for an explanation and make them know that you can’t take them for granted, make them aware and realise that if they want the relationship to grow than honesty and commitment is essential. They have to put in emotions, faith and trust in the relationship. If they still dishonour your emotions and words and become a repeat offender, save yourself from possible heartbreak by shutting the doors for him to your life forever, let the submarine sink for good and sail or save yourself for a better future or relationships.
Q&A
Q1. What is the difference between Zombieing and Submarining?
Zombing and Submaring are more or less the same, it’s just the pattern of how they come back into your life, In Submarining they just resurface from nowhere and in Zombing they just suddenly pop up again.